What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
What I am willing to write about would have to be the year long emotional roller coaster I experienced while being a student missionary. The journey of leaving America, adjusting to life in Ethiopia, leaving Ethiopia and my readjustment back to America was one that I will never forget!
Leaving the states wasn't the hard part. I had excitement and adrenaline on my side. I remember arriving around 10 pm to the bustling capital city of Addis Ababa and being so overwhelmed by the sheer difference of it compared to America. It was loud, smelly, and in my very American eyes there was poverty all around me! I wanted to run back to the plane and come back to the states, especially after that first night alone in the dingy hotel room (which later became the nice place to stay!) It didn’t help the matter when the call to prayer chants went off periodically during that long restless night. I had never heard anything like it in my life! How could I stay in a place like this? Let alone for 9 months!
My nerves were gradually calmed when the sun finally came up and Dawit and Suilman picked me up to go to the orphanage. We left the busy city and drove into the beautiful countryside with lots of interesting things to see the whole way. It was rainy season and the road builders had not finished the main road so the roads were very muddy! So muddy that when we arrived at the orphanage we had to park in the street and carry everything in. It was at the moment when I saw them: a wild herd of the 36 most precious beautiful children running towards me all at once! Even before the moment of being smothered with hugs and greetings, I knew it would be incredibly difficult to say goodbye to those kids in 9 months down the road. It was love at first sight! Of course my time in Ethiopia wasn’t always perfect. Adjusting to the culture took some time but once I did I really grew to love it and appreciate it.
Fast forward to that day in May. I had been saying my goodbyes to friends in the local villages gradually before I left but nothing really prepared me for actually separating myself from those amazing people and the place I had come to cherish with all of my heart! Saying goodbye to the kids, cooks, and neighbors resulted in countless tears shed, promises to stay in touch and to come back someday (which I did!!), hugs, more tears, and the somewhat exciting thought that I would soon be coming back to see friends and family I hadn’t seen in months. The rest of the trip back went by in an exhausting blur and soon I had landed back in hot and muggy Atlanta, Georgia. What funny accents there were.
I was warned that re-entry would be tough. I read the re-entry book prior to coming back but it did not seem help when the powerful force of America hit me like a tidal wave! It took more then 6 months to feel normal again. Little did I know normal just meant adjusting to the new person I had become. It wasn’t the other people who had changed, it was me. Like many SM’s, when I got back to the states I felt so out of place and so alone. I felt that no one cared about the amazing experiences I had or could even come close to understanding how I felt. I detested the loud, flashy, materialistic, expensive, selfish, AMERICAN things I saw everywhere I went. There seemed to be no escape. I just wanted to go back to the place, people, and simple life I had loved! Looking back I feel bad for the people who had to be around me to hear me rant. I was blessed with roommates who had all been SM’s as well so it was a huge blessing to have them as an outlet and hear their amazing stories as well. Being a student again was also tough because all year I had been a teacher so it was weird sitting on the other side of the desk once again. I felt like the glove I used to wear so perfectly before didn’t fit anymore, yet I so desperately wanted it too.
I remember the thing that really helped me get out of my stressful re-entry rut was when I started attending a weekly bible study held in my downstairs neighbors apartment in Southern Village about half way through 1st semester. For a long time after I got back it was hard for me to be around big groups of people but being around this small, tight knit mission minded group of people during the bible studies helped me to feel more comfortable again. I kind of avoided the invitation for a while but finally when walking downstairs to head to the library I was drawn in by the beautiful tune of hymns and decided to give it a try. Through all the bible studies, Sabbath hikes, backpacking trips, and countless potlucks (we love to eat!) I began to see that there were people out there who I could relate to. People I didn’t have to act differently around to be friends with. I was able to find some of my very dearest and closest friends during that time in my life. So even though that year was one of the hardest things I have experienced it really ended up being one of the biggest blessings of my life. Looking back I am glad I went through the experience, it helped to shape me into the person I am now and really help develop my desire to be a missionary for life, whether that be overseas or in the states.
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